The title alone seems like a contradiction in terms. I know that I am awake but it all feels blurred and muddled so I am unsure as to what is going to come out next. My challenge today is to just write, don’t stop, don’t edit, post, so I am looking forward to finding out what I am really thinking. Now that is an interesting thought in itself that my fingers now more about what is going on in my head than my head does. Not that is definitely food for thought or fingers, not sure which.
When I woke up this morning I have to admit to feeling a lot better than I have done in recent days. I think I have moved on from my moment or should I say moments of feeling sorry for myself. I thought I would get that one in as I don’t seem to have any body else to. That may be in part because no one knows how I am feeling. I am not sure what that is about, surely I should tell someone but as I am running away from doctors and hospitals at the moment talking to someone may lead me there.
Okay enough of that introspective sick stuff
Today I am going to develop my skills as a make up artist. Interesting as I have avoided make up for most of my adult life but needs must and as mr lupus invades my face in a desperate attempt to get the attention he craves, I need to find a way to drown him out and dull his shouts to a whimper.
Now where did I put that foundation and concealer and how long should you have beauty products before you throw them away? So many questions? My life seems to be a long round of questions presently and I think now is the time to demand answers from life. That reminds me (sorry about the probably remote connection) of something I read once that said I went to life with a thimble and life could only give me a thimble full and no more. Okay I am sure I have got that totally wrong but you get my gist. It is time to stand up (even if it is with crutch support) and demand more from life and right now that is answers.
Did you realise that life really gives you what you believe you deserve? I don’t know about you but I need to raise my belief stakes and today seems like a great day to do just that.
So here goes!